what i've been up too.

well, besides having swimming lessons every morning last week, and finishing up this week, i have been getting some things done. i am officially in the "nesting" phase of this baby thing. ;) but will be very happy when i am not using up my morning running to swimming lessons. although it is a joy to see my kids learning to swim and enjoy the water, despite a very trying start for campbell...i am talking screaming for 3 days straight during the lessons...yesterday, my mother in law offered to come watch the kids at swimming lessons, and then take them home for lunch, and then deliver them to our home just before nap time. thanks moppy. i got sooooo much cleaning done. i love how it looks at just this moment...which granted, won't last long.  :)

today we (the girls and i) spent the afternoon with my sister, and her kids, at her in-laws swimming. it was a great day, and i should be posting all the video i took, but it's not put together yet, so maybe tomorrow?  :)

kaden got to go on an overnight fishing trip with his poppy. he had a great time, and we had fresh grilled fish, that they caught, for dinner. ummm. i am getting some interesting stories from the trip... :)

so...instead, just a few "around here" shots...

i think i am ~almost~ at the place where i am liking my flower beds...

in that, i have something blooming, for me to cut, all summer long.

i love fresh flowers.

they brighten my day...

and completely inspire me.
(side note...i did need to stop and buy these sunflowers.
2 for $1 in new holland, on my way home from the pool...
mine are not "blooming" quite yet...)



a little furniture re-arranging, for the pregnant lady, is always good. ;)



i was going to wait to post all the picture collages i have going on right now...

but then i figured it might be awhile,

so the new little peanuts photo will be included,

just as soon as she arrives...

(calli...above...just under a week old)

(top right to left...calli, kaycee, campbell and kaden, bottom left)

one thing i am trying to get better at, is memorizing scripture...

i have a lot posted throughout my house,

to try to help and inspire me. :)

and i saw this particular idea (above) elsewhere,

~thanks to red letter signs~

and stole it, of course. :)

i like to pray this scripture

(from I Samuel 2:26 i think?)

over my kids as i go up the steps...

i glance at their pictures,
and pray...as i read the canvas...
(canvas credit to aimee weaver...hugely creative, artsy, and very reasonable)

these turquoise frames have been my latest project...

gotton from a yard sale last year,

for 25 cents each...they ~were~ ugly brown...

and just now, i painted them. :)

so this collage is upstairs in my hallway,

and i love.love.love it.

of course the empty frame is just "waiting" patiently...

~photo credits to ang stoltzfus for most of the photos...who is also hugely creative and talented
and reasonable as well.  ;)  ~



lastly i picked up this brand new book at the library today...

it's called

~praying your way through your pregnancy~

by jennifer polimino and carolyn warren.

it is fabulous.

if you are pregnant,

and you are my friend,

you might just get one from me. :)

it's that good.

i wish i had it from the beginning.

something from the book:

     ..."i know that we read technical and medical information in books and on internet sites about everything that's happening with our bodies, and we even read about all the things that could possibly go wrong. there's a wealth of information to discover, but i ask you this: when do we read that we can experience God's presence in the delivery room?

     when do you hear about bringing your baby into a room filled with the prayers and praises of Jesus? and what about having the Word of God spoken to you as encouragement while you're in labor? i can't help but believe this is the way it should be!

     now please don't misunderstand: i am not advocating home birth over a hospital birth. both coauthor carolyn warren and i delivered our babies in a hospital. but that's not the point. whether your baby comes at home, in a birthing center, in a hospital or on the operating table via c-section (like carolyn), the Lord's sweet presence can be right there with you in a real way.

     has it occurred to you that God might come into your delivery room and surround you with His peace and love and make your delivery the most wonderful spiritual experience you've ever had? how awesome would that be?"

a little encouragement for my sister and i, as we anticipate and kind of dread the actual labor part of meeting our little girls. we can't wait, but think it would be kind of neat, if we could snap our fingers and be thru that part. :)

summer 2011.



so...i am sitting here this morning, sipping on my red raspberry leaf tea...after an early morning walk with some local mommies i am getting to know...popping evening primrose oil caplets, like they are candy...in hopes of coaxing this baby out early...and if not early, then quickly.

i don't know if any of it "works" but i am too scared "not" to try it, since i have done this with the last 3 babies, and all i know is that my labors are fast, and that's what i am after. :) i am not willing to "fore-go" the natural things, in case they really do work, and help ripen my body for what is to come. i am still having high, high hopes of delivering early...although i have never been blessed with that opportunity...why i think my 5th child, during my 33rd year of life, will be different, i don't know...i am still just hoping Jesus will bless me in that way. :) my sister is also hoping for this...but her time is quickly escaping, as her due date is on thursday...

all that being said, i am treasuring this pregnancy, taking in every last little detail, as this will be the last time...we plan...to have a baby. the last time i get to carry life inside of me...to feel her moving and kicking inside me, is something that i will miss. i treasure it. i love it. i know full well what a blessing it is, a blessing not all women get to experience.  i love wearing all the cute maternity clothes, and squeezing into what is not, and seeing how it hugs my belly...will i be sad when it is all over? surely, i will be, babies are my thing, my joy, but am counting on the chaos and transition of it all to help whisk away this child bearing period in my life...

all that to say, only sweet Jesus knows when i will get to meet my sweet girl, and it's probably all silliness to him...

and off to the reason of the post...the kids and i made a list of things we would like to do this summer, and i thought i would share it with you...we have already accomplished quite a few, and i am thinking intentionally about finishing the list regardless of having a newborn in tow...we'll see how that plays out for me. :)

Summer to Do ~ 2011.

 1. go out for ice cream~ often. :)

 2. go to the playground~ often.

 3. go to Miss Wanda's pool.

 4. homeschool~ they came up with this one. :)

 5. campout.

 6. make smores over the campfire.

 7. make homemade ice cream.

 8. go to the beach.

 9. go to the Philadelphia Zoo.

10. have a baby...:)

11. finish swimming lessons...this is our last week. :) they are learning so much!

12. complete the local summer library reading program...goal...before baby. :)

13. go on a train ride...with our free library passes. :)

14. sell ~ALL~ the puppies...just 2 left, reduced to $350 ya all.

15. have a movie night with popcorn, on the pull out sofa. in the basement.

16. go mini-golfing.

17. have a "cousin only" campout at the pond.

18. have some sleep-overs.

19. memorize scripture...me included. :)

20. go to Bible school.

21. go to a rodeo.



okay so...we are making a ~dent~ in it anyway. :) here's to a fun summer!  ~mk.

campbell's riding a bike.

and is she ever proud. :)



dinnertime.

it's 5:14 p.m. and i have ~no idea ~ what i am making for dinner...

just sayin'.

~mk.

Urban Outfitters' owner ruffles feathers in Chester County - Philly.com

so...for those of you who know me, know that i get a little bit crazy over rich and famous people. i don't know what in the world it is, but they totally intrigue me.

yesterday matt and i went on a tour of the property that is spoken about in the article i have attached. totally wild. we got to go, because we went with friends of ours, who have a friend, who we also know, that works "here".

so this morning, of course i had to google, richard hayne, who is the founder/owner/operator of urban outfitters, which also owns free people and anthropologie...one of my favorite stores to "copy" ideas from. :) so...this rich and famous man, lives in my backyard, and i got to tour his properties yesterday. yeah...i am totally cool, i know it. :) ha.ha.ha.

now, i am off to the acme to use my double coupons to see what i can get for nearly free. :)

check out the article below...it's even more fun if you are familiar with where we live, here in little 'ol chester county, pennsylvania...

Urban Outfitters' owner ruffles feathers in Chester County - Philly.com

some fishin'.

zion and noah, 2 of my 4 nieces and nephews from n.c.,

were here yesterday. poppy (matt's dad),

came over and took noah and kaden

fishing at a neighbors pond.

they caught 4 catfish, and brought them back to our pond.

this is the only picture they got at the pond.

noah caught 2,

and poppy and kaden each caught 1.

they were tickled. all of them. :)

so then we walked down to our pond to "set them free".

did i mention millie loves to swim down there.

everyday. several times a day.

funny to watch her swim.

i wish i had the audio to what these girls were saying to each other.

*********************

i am getting ready for the baby.
i know i shouldn't...that's probably why i go late all the time.
i am always ~really~ ready.
just can't help it.
i get so excited to think about it.

some wonder if i mind being pregnant in the summer.
no. actually i don't.
i kind of ~love it~.
only because i have a slight addiction to the sun.
if i can be ~tan~
i am a much happier girl.
if i can go play, (not work), ~just kidding~ in the sun,
i am a much happier girl.
yeah...i get hot.
but isn't everyone hot right now?

i normally set up my pack in play, with the bassinet,
downstairs somewhere...to save me running up and down the
steps all the time the first couple weeks.

this time...after i had it all set up.
i tore it down.
and toted it back upstairs.
i decided to convert my dry sink into my changing station.

it can totally work, right?
now...which diaper bag to use. ;)

shhh...i have a yard sale addiction too.
did you know that?

*******************************

and don't forget these cute little guys...

they are so hard to take pictures of right now...
they just want to run and play.
and jump and chew. on you. or your shoestrings. ;)

don't ya want one?
we have 6 left.
yay. just 6. not 13. ;)

family fun and some clarification.

so we had a little family cookout here on sunday afternoon to celebrate Father's Day. it was a beautiful afternoon and evening...we ate here at the house, and then proceeded down to the pond, that my family, never knew existed, until i mentioned we were "working" on it. so...though it is far from done, we had our first smores roasting down there...the night also included some 4 wheeler riding and kyacking...and playing in the creek. some good 'ol fashioned fun you don't always hear about these days...but a definate bonus for raising your kids on a farm, for sure.

(matt's dad, aldie, with his granddaughters...

calli, 2 1/2, kaycee, 6 1/2, and campbell, 4)

calli talking to rae ann.

my brother and his wife and family have been fostering rae 

since september. 

we hope to be able to call her our neice very soon...

but that has not been finalized yet...

we love you rae... 

matt, giving a ride to kaycee and campbell

and cousin, zion, from n.c.





and just a quick pic from around the campfire.

(my sister in laws, heather, and naomi, silas, matt's mom, judy,

and you can catch half a glimpse of my dad, richard...

that darn camera...)

and just for some clarification...

in one of my latest posts, i had been venting a bit about my husband, and the fact that we disagree a bit about cleaning standards and maybe about some priorities too.

i think some of you may have been offended by the post, and that

certainly wasn't my intention. i also did not intend to throw my husband

under the bus.

some of you were wondering if my husband reads my blog.

absolutely. he does.

he is a source of accountability at all times.

there is also never anything that makes it to this blog that we

haven't already discussed or addressed.

a lot of you comment on liking my blog because of the honesty

in which i write. i was simply being honest with all of you.

maybe that is the wrong thing to do?

maybe a blog is the wrong place for that?

i don't know.

i can tell you that i feel like the church in general, the world in general, for that matter, does kind of a crappy job at being honest with each other. i feel like we "hide" a lot because we want to measure up, or we fear what people will think of us, or in my case, my marriage...some of you felt sad or sorry for me after that post. that was not my intention either.

my intention is always to share about my struggles as a mom or a wife,

and give you some encouragement...

so that when you are having a hard day, or a hard time in your marriage,

to know that you are not alone.

we all have times of struggle and hardship.

we were never promised an easy life or easy relationships.

just because my husband dreams of a cleaner house than i can present all the time, doesn't make him a bad person, or a bad husband.

just because i feel like i cannot keep up with his expectations, doesn't mean

that i am necessarily "falling short" on my duties as a wife to him,

or make me a bad wife for him.

you may not have our same struggles.

but i assure you that you have them.

every marriage does.

marriage is hard. hard work.

it is also one of the most awesome relationships that God has ever created

and endorsed.

so...you may have been offended at my post on having clean windows.

i am sorry i offended you.

you may have thought i threw matt under the bus,

and i am sorry if that is how it came across.

i apologized to him as well.

i was simply putting a voice to my frustration that day.

so you may not struggle with finding a happy medium on cleanliness.

but maybe you get irritated because your husband plays on a softball team. and while he's having fun playing with the guys, you are home tending to his children, or else maybe expected to pack all those children up, and go "watch" his game.

maybe your husband has a lot more free time than you seem to have,

and you wonder, wow. wouldn't that be nice.

what would i do with that free time?

maybe you get jealous that he can come home and prop his feet up

and read the paper, after a long hard day working, and you feel like you had a long hard day too...but when did you get to prop your feet up?

i don't think having any of those thoughts are bad or wrong.

i think it's real life.

it's just how we deal with those thoughts and frustrations

that makes all the difference.

all that being said.

i didn't get all my windows washed. :)

i am very happily married and would marry this man over a

million times in a second.

and i think he would do the same.

regardless of the windows. ;)

maybe i need to do a better job of voicing our fun times as well...

not just my frustrations.

okay. off to swimming lessons.

in the rain.

ugh.

happy day.

~a prayer.~

this morning i enjoyed THIS.

"be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul - not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us." Colossians 1: 9-12

                                                                                ~the daily message.~

isn't it devine? i spend a lot of time praying for my little princess. i have since started calling her my little peanut...people keep approaching me, telling me "it" is looking like a boy...i chuckle...matt is still holding his breath i think.

my sister only has 2 weeks to go until her due date. me...a whopping 4, which probably means 6, but i have my eyes ~fixed~ on 2. a girl can dream can't she? ;)

happy saturday. ~mk.

the pond.

we have another big project going on down at our existing pond.

our dream is to make it a nice pond...

with clean water, and some sand, and a place where we

can camp out and have picnics.

so we ventured down there yesterday to check it out.

the water is pretty dirty, but the kids obviously didn't mind.

the kids were looking for fish...and daddy found this cool frog.
lots and lots of tadpoles swimming around.
what is the difference in a bull frog and a frog anyway?

just another view of our farm and the school...

from the pond.

we made this cool fire ring.

everyone took part gathering rocks from around the meadow.
that was kinda fun.
you know how you dream of doing cool family things together,
so when times get tough, you hope some of those things pop in their minds.

someday, we hope to roast hot dogs and smores here.

some machinery still around.

i think matt said there were 150 loads of dirt hauled in here

over the course of a few days last week.

dump trucks just kept coming in the drive, one after another.

and now we can use our kyack.

daddy was giving rides.

campbell wasn't too sure.

but she rallied.



here's to more memories made at the farm.

hopefully we can host a cousins sleepover down here soon.

wouldn't that be fun? ;)

the beach.

so. i ran away to ocean city, new jersey, with a friend,

 on wednesday morning.

and came back last night at 7:30 p.m.

i took not ~one~ picture.

that's how much vacation i was on.

serious relaxing.

no thinking. like none.

this is where we stayed.

we walked in.

asked for vacancy for 2.

and i am getting so much like my husband, i said,

"would you stay here?"

she smiled and assured us that she would.

and then offered us 30% off the room.

b.i.n.g.o.

why would we even bother to step out of that comfy place to

try to find a better deal.

it was wonderful. and we could even check in right then.

super. fabulous.

and then we hit the beach for the next 2 days.

sunny, beautiful days.

so...as if being away at the beach with another mom friend

doesn't bring up enough "worry" conversation about

marriage and kids, and the wonder of the Lord,

there was a very small group of senior week kids there.

who happened to park their half naked partying bodies right behind us.

ugh.

just continued to make me worry a little more of

when i will be out of this stage, my favorite,

into the unknown of letting your kids go.

to make their own scary choices.

(i suppose i have already started that stage by sending my kids

into the public school system,

but so far, we are thrilled with how that is going.)

i usually give kids the benefit of the doubt and

try to believe the best in them.

these kids. were not so lucky.

they were sitting amoungst families. with young kids.

all around.

and all they could do was talk using filthy language,

leave trash behind,

and were completely un-impressive with every move they made. :(

met a family sitting next to us.

mom and dad. with 5 boys.

fun.

we laughed at her 5 boys, and my 1 and almost 4 girls.

in the midst of a really good fictional book,

which i usually only read at the beach,

so now i have to hurry up and finish

before i am stuck in the rat-race of life again.

there is something about the beach.

it gets me every time.

what encouragement i got as i walked the boards at 6 in the morning

and watched a beautiful sun rise into the sky.

thanks glenda for coming along with me.

to get one last respite trip in before my life changes again,

forever.

and thanks to matt and mom and kristy for taking such good

care of my kids.

they had a great time here without their mommy!

a good reminder that we all can use a break once in awhile...

i am feeling full and blessed,

and

~happy 11th anniversary baby~

despite all of our many differences

there is no one else i would rather have as my partner in life.

to share this crazy journey with.

thank you for all you do for me and our family.

you work very hard to provide for us

and i am a very blessed woman...

xoxo. ~me.

the graduating class of 2023.

today was the last day of school for us. yay! it was also kaycee's graduation from kindergarten...they introduced them as the graduating class of 2023.

what? crazy. and she's not even my youngest.

so the graduation years will sound more wild as we continue on. :0)

(you will have to pause the music at the bottom, if you want

to actually hear some of this little ceremony.)



so my double chin is really shinin' thru here...

but i couldn't get real picky, because campbell took the picture.

take one. got it. good.



so...i had wanted kaycee to wear a cute little dress and put her hair

in french braids for the big day, and ...you guessed it...

tears.

"but it's not YOUR graduation day mom, it's mine."

so she did her own hair, and picked out her own outfit

~ONLY~

because my mom and sister made me feel so guilty the last time,

when i insisted on what she wear, and did her hair. :(

boo.

it's going to be a looonnnggg 10 years with this one. :)



and kaycee with her teacher, mrs. schempp.

kaden also had her for kindergarten, and we couldn't get any luckier.

we have our fingers crossed for in 2 years when campbell gets to

come to kindergarten.

(kaycee was just crying a few minutes before this picture.

mason's mom came up to me and told me she couldn't wait to see who

kaycee was, because he comes home everyday, and tells her how pretty

kaycee is...he just doesn't stop talking about her. kaycee got

~COMPLETELY~ mortified, and busted out in tears.)

ugh.

so...yet another talk. :)

looking forward to a fabulous summer.

that starts tomorrow when i head to the beach. yay.

and the kids are here with mam-maw, kristy, and daddy.

thanks guys. ;) xoxo. me.

Happy Birthday Dad...

i was trying to do something cute with the pics, but it's taking too long

and my time is running away from me.

so...my siblings and spouses (minus matt n naomi, who live in n.c.)

celebrated my dad's birthday

on this past saturday evening

at loxley's

in centerville.

cute little "robinhood" themed place...

built around a tree. genious.

fun. less chaotic time together.

plenty of laughter. and no tears. yay. :)

(sometimes this is unusual...we usually get a little sentimental

at adult only gatherings like this.)

thanks dad for being a great dad.

for all the time, committment and prayer you have poured into

each of our lives, and now our families lives.

love your wise calm presence in the world.

we love you.

and sorry about the pics. mark couldn't believe i still don't have a

"nice" camera. it's on my list. :) goes to show all those people who

say..."it's not the camera, it's the person behind it."

~but they all have nice cameras. ya know? :)

how often do you wash your windows?

yep. you heard me. i am taking a little poll, and would love to know how often you wash your windows?
          a) whenever they are dirty.
          b) twice a year.
          c) never.
          d) when my husband tells me too.
          e) other.
please, please, ,please leave me a comment and let me know. so i guess i might be turning a bit more lavish than i thought. matt is hoping to hire someone to "help" me clean. ;) love that. "help" me. :) cause i am ~not~ keeping up. i asked him, what would be the priorities and he said floors and windows for now. so than i asked him how often he would like me to clean the windows and he said whenever they are dirty. what? yep. i counted 39 windows in my house, and i think just about everyone of them has bird crap on a section of it as i speak, and if not bird crap, then tiny hand prints.

i wash my windows twice a year. spring and fall. maybe an exception here and there, but i thought i was doing good.

i went out on a limb and let my words tumble out of my mouth, and went ahead and said that none of our friends wash their windows whenever they are dirty. somehow that makes me feel better...if our friends don't always have clean windows, then maybe it's okay if mine aren't clean either? i know. it's twisted thinking...

so, now i am wondering. i have mom after mom, of high school grads, lately, come up to me and tell me to spend time with my kids. life is too short, they will be gone before i know it.  i have grasped this. I know it. i know i am not promised tomorrow with anyone in my life. so...we have been to the pool twice so far. when i left my house with finger printed windows and not folded laundry, perhaps the sink was even loaded with dishes...i don't remember.

so what do you do, when your husband doesn't have that same perspective?

hire a cleaning lady?

or do i stop taking the time out of my day to do some fun stuff with the kids, and in reality fun stuff for me, and please my man? i really do think it is my calling as a wife to please him. i do. and i think i try really hard sometimes.

but the other reality is that summer ~especially~ is my favorite time of year. being tan in the summer is a must for me, ~especially~ when i happen to be pregnant with my 5th child, so leaving the house on a whim to go catch some sun, or grabbing a glass of homemade mint tea and soaking my feet in the kiddie pool while the kids splash around me, and i put my nose in a book, seems like it's going to happen, regardless of whether my "chores" are done.

this is nothing new that i am torn with. i know my husband really well. and i know that i can never have my house clean enough. it just "pops" into our discussion every now and again, and i can't help but feel defeated, like i am not doing "my job" up to par, to get someone to help me with my cleaning. hence that is why i drop the ball about calling someone to help me. i feel guilty about that.

feel free to drop me your thoughts. would love to hear how you manage your own households.

p.s. to be fair, you should also know that i am leaving for the beach with a friend early wed. morning, and returning late thur. night. lavish. ummm. maybe? :) however, i also have childcare arranged, meal schedule printed, and notes to all the babysitters already written. the list today includes washing my 39 windows.

have a great, great week!

~mk~

an excerpt...

"...drama over, right? wrong. it was only just the beginning. in that first year i would often stand over her crib and watch  her while she slept. i would talk to God and plead with Him to spare her from some of the painful mistakes i had made during my growing up years. would she love me? would she even like me? would we become lifelong friends? would she come to love the God i serve? sure, i had many of the same questions with the birth of my son, kaden, but somehow, this was different. it would be matt's responsibility to model to kaden, what it means to be a godly man. it would be my responsilibity to model to first kaycee, then campbell, then calli, and now this little princess about to enter the world, what it means to be a godly woman. could i do it? was i up for the task?..."

                                                 ~taken from: your girl.  by vicki courtney

                                        (of course i put our names in the underlined portions.)

wow. right? i am reading, again, like 5 books at a time, i don't know why i do that? is it the have to be doing a million things at one time, time management issue, or what? i don't know, but anyway, this one is great. i also have her book called your boy...about sons, but i thought since i am going to have 4 daughters i should get my butt in gear, so i pulled it off the shelf. :) my dusty shelf.

i have been thinking a lot lately about meeting our newest daughter. i cannot wait to see her face. to hold and snuggle her. to hear her cry. to see if i can soothe her like only a mommy can. to pray over her life at all of our thru the night nursing sessions. i have also been thinking about what a high calling motherhood really is. a blessing, and all that i pour into my children. daily.

my husband and i had a conversation last night, and he commented that i have the most lavish lifestyle out of anyone we know. hmmm. i still think he has his terms mixed up...for when i think of "lavish" i don't think of me. i think of someone who dresses expensively (not from yard sales for instance), who shops at expensive bo-tiques and furniture stores (Goodwill, would not qualify), someone who has a house keeper, a gardner, and gets pedicures and manicures on a regular basis (i have had 2 in my life, people...2). i think of a woman who would not do laundry ~everyday~, and maybe not at all. i think of a woman who does not spend time with her children, reading and writing, and playing and cooking, but a woman who has a nanny hired to do those things. someone who drinks wine with dinner.  some woman who drives an expensive car (not a mini van that is filthy and needs a new transmission ~and~ new brakes), or maybe even has a driver, who lives in a big mansion, a new mansion at that, that has central air, and doors that don't creak, or pop open in the wind, and rain that doesn't come in thru the cracks during heavy storms.

i couldn't get a real good grasp of what he was meaning. after ~some~ discussion, i think he meant that i am lucky, because i don't have anyone to really answer too. i can kind of call the shots, and do as i please. and then i get to go on vacation, and ride motorcyle, and have 5 babies for him. ( i added that last one in there.)  :) and the clincher would be that i don't have to work. i always get the impression that i don't really "do" anything around here.

call me offended. yep. i have a great life. that i do. but lavish. nope. sorry honey. i just don't. :) we will discuss this more, i can assure you. :)

people are starting to ask me if i am nervous for having my 5th child. i can honestly say i am not. i really feel like "i got this". i feel like my children are at great ages for another child to join us. it shouldn't be like having 4 kids in 5 1/2 years...my children are old enough to really listen, and help, barring any issues i have yet to experience: a colicky baby, severe allergies, or an unhealthy infant who needs lots of care and attention...i for now feel: excited, and at peace to have her here. living outside of me...trying to treasure each day now, as this will surely be the last addition i get to carry inside. what a miracle, to feel your baby moving inside. to watch your body grow and stretch beyond your wildest imagination. don't get me wrong...i am sure i will be in tears more than once these first few weeks, and will raise my voice when i shouldn't, and sink into a tired heap in a chair, exhausted, and not deal with discipline issues when they should be dealt with, but all in all, i feel like i am so lucky to be able to be a mommy 5 times over.  i hope i never lose that perspective...even in the chaotic, hard, unbearable times the years will bring. then i will laugh at my earlier words...

"i got this."

sure ya do. :)

which brings me to more words to agree with:

"there is nothing quite like being a mother. the hours can be long and exhausting, but the payoff is immense. wide is the gamut of emotions in motherhood. one minute you can be lauding the virtues of motherhood, and the next minute you're screaming "calgon, take me away...or better yet, take them away."    

ha.ha. don't ya love it? so, so true.

okay. enough for now. gotta get some girlies down for naps. and then we are off for a night out with my siblings and parents to celebrate my cool dad's birthday...should be a riot. it usually is. :) happy day.   ~mk.

p.s. i am sitting here at the desk. i am taping a ripped book for kaden, and insisted that campbell clean up all the toys she got out, and she just finished. and came in here and said sulking, "mommy, you are treating me like a maid."
hey...maybe i do live a lavish life after all. ;)

cousins.

we love our cousins here. i love that. our cousins are still the best in life right now. even over friends. i love that too. it might not last, and that's okay. i was sorting thru ~all~ the kids papers that they are bringing home from school right now...and these made my heart smile.

~from kaycee, dated 2-4-11~

(i invited my cousins over to my house. we had fun.)

(and this is the picture that went with it. love it, especially the earrings.)

~then these were the first couple pages of kaden's 2nd, 1st grade journal~



(my cousins are my friends. they  play baseball with me. my cousins are fun.)



(my cousins house is cool because they have 3 boys. and a pool.)

~sorry zion.~

kaden's papers are referring to my brother, matt's kids, who live in n. carolina.

they are very doting with him and give him lots of attention.

he spent 2 weeks there with kaycee last summer,

exactly one year ago,

when matt and i went on our 10  year anniversary motorcycle trip

across the country.

i still cannot believe that happened. :)

so.much.fun.

who would have thought that the very next summer we would be anticipating

the birth of our 5th child.

~wow~ that's all. ~wow.~

very sad this summer as my buckwalter family is

 ~not~

going on a beach vacation.

the expected birth of our baby falls around the time we would

normally go, and my parents decided not to go this year. :(

which means neither are we.

boo.boo.boo.

some pics from years past to fill my heart until next year.

i am not holding my breath.

i know all good things come to an end.

and i think that somehow it just won't happen again.

a girl can always hope though. :)

(sorry. couldn't resist. came across this from last summer,

overlooking the grand canyon. )



(and this was from our trip last summer too.

just made me laugh.

all of our self portraits while driving on the motorcycle.)

all in all.

i should not complain.

i know i had enough vacations last year to last a lifetime.

~well~ not really. but pretty many. :)

happy weekend.