the power of speaking up.

and from my latest read *that i finished this Memorial Day weekend*...taken from: When I lay My Isaac Down: Unshakable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances. by Carol Kent...

     There is a common ground of understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and healing when we are authentic with each other. When we tell our real-life stories of what we have encountered on the journey of life, we break down barriers and create safe places to risk revealing the truth. Intimacy in our relationships springs to life when we are no longer hiding behind the mask of denial, embarassment, guilt, or shame. We're just us-people who have had some good days in life and people who have had some very bad days. We've quit pretending that everything is "fine" and that life is grand. When we share our stories with each other, we find a way of relating without the facade and without the need to impress. We can just be real. This brings tremendous freedom.

     Frederick Buechner writes, " My assumption is that the story of any one of us is in some measure the story of all of us." I have found this to be true. Sharing our stories helps us to quickly get out of the self-defeating pattern of trying to figure out who is suffering more. We are all suffering to one degree or another. Is the woman whose husband betrayed her by having an affair with her best friend hurting more than I am? Is the man who is choosing to keep his marriage vows to a woman who is too self-centered to consider his feelings and needs in  less emotional pain than I am? Is the man who was an award-winning athlete who broke his back and is now a quadriplegic worse off than my son? Is the couple who lost their home and had to declare bankruptcy due to corporate downsizing in worse straits than I am? Do the men and women tackling their deepest internal wounds and practicing rigorous recovery programs in order to lay down devestating addictions have it easier than I do? Is the woman who just gave birth to a child with Down's Syndrome in more anguish than I am? Are the parents who poured their love, resources, and encouragement into their child who is strung out on drugs in my level of pain?

     The bottom line is that it doesn't matter. We are all a bunch of flawed human beings living in an imperfect world. When we start sharing our Isaac experiences with each other, we build trust, faith, and hope. We don't need a meter to tell us which pain hurts the most. All of our heartaches produce great sadness, and telling our stories to each other brings a release, a comfort, and the knowledge that somebody cares........

there are so many good things this book had to say......

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i share this coming out of my awful friday.......

i was watching my sister's kids for the day, *which normally isn't a problem*. our kids play great together, and they live in lancaster city, and jaiden, who is four, usually lights up when he gets here. he loves to be outside finding trouble with kaden. :) *and a sidenote that doesn't pertain to the story...they usually succeed*.

anyway, those of you who know me, know that i like to get a few things done in a day. and this day was no different. i was running in and out, hanging up laundry, mulching, cleaning...getting ready to leave for the mountains, etc. when the phone rang. it was the secretary from the Primary Learning Center telling me that they thought they had my toddler at the playground. my heart stopped. i thought immediately of jaiden and reese, and hoped it wasn't them. meg would never forgive me for that one...almost immediately i saw reese and campbell sitting on the outside porch steps, and quickly ran past them. kaycee and jaiden were standing right by the fence, *where calli would have exited*, picking flowers. i hastily asked them where calli was, and they both non-chalantly looked and me and wondered why i was so frantic...

i walked quickly across the soccer field, and just as quickly recognized kaden's teacher walking towards me holding calli. ugh. what do i say? i am completely embarrassed, and oh, a million feelings. anyway, mrs. schempp is always so nice...we exchanged a few words, and smiles, as she handed calli over to me. i turned and walked away hugging my little girl...my 19 month old little girl...

questions of how this could have happened continue to come and go. i beat myself up all weekend about being the worst mother in the world...which i believe all of us moms do every now and then...but again, came to the conclusion that God gave me these kids to be the best mom in the world for these kids...my kids...so i can beat myself up all i want, but it's not going to do any good. i can only do the best that i know how. and yes, i know i take full advantage of leaving the kids play outside unattended, checking in periodically to make sure no one is bleeding and do a head count, and that will have to happen much less readily now...sigh...which means i don't get as much done in a day...oh well.

i am thankful that kaden happened to be out on the playground that day. they stayed an extra hour that day, so kindergarten got to have recess. normally they do not get recess...mrs. schempp had noticed calli coming early on, and went to her right away. swooped her up and took her to kaden. thank you Lord for protecting my children every day...when i so blatently take it for granted. i am thankful that i didn't know she was missing before i got the call. i didn't have that period of time that i didn't know where she was...which i count as a huge blessing.

i don't know why she meandered up there? we do walk to the playground a lot, but still...and we hear the kids playing up there a lot thru the day...i will never know...she must have instinctively wanted to see kaden. ha.

now you know why my day was so bad. maybe life will get easier now because no one will ask me to ever watch their kids again...i don't know...smiles. :) i do know that i had been worrying earlier on in the week about "what if" one of my children got lost or seperated from their caregiver while i am away on our motorcycle trip...now isn't that interesting...i was worrying about that already...so God threw this in MY face laughing all the while...i am sure of it.

our time away at the mountains was short and sweet. i forgot my camera. ugh. we actually came home a day early because the horseflies were horrible. it was so hard to do anything outside...they just stuck to you...which meant i had a much better monday...when i got...

                                                       THIS

yep...a coach purse...for a mere $15...isn't it the cutest...okay...so meg found it but didn't want to spend the money... (megan and i try to go to "Landisville Days" every Memorial and Labor day...they shut down the town per say and there are yard sales and bargains GALORE...it's so much fun).

and then THIS...for $5...it comes apart...but isn't it the cutest darn planter you ever did see? i can't wait to fill it...

 and my STEAL of the day...was these chairs...$2/piece...and since I got the purse Meg took 2 of my lovely 4...i do want them back someday... :) [so Chris..if you REALLY aren't "into" them...load em on up in your work van and drop them off when you come down this way. :) ]can't WAIT to sip lemonade while catching some rays in one of these babies....

and lastly...i got THIS...

a signed "to the kings" yea. poster of Nick's latest...

some of you know i am a famous person fanatic...and just think it's grand that my brother matt and his wife naomi, have become "friends" with Nicholas Sparks and his wife...so...since...i have taken up to reading his novels...{which is kinda unlike me}...i usually gravitate towards the self help books...you know how to be a better mom, wife, woman, etc. :) and this just happened to be "waiting" for me when i returned home from the mountains.

thank you. thank you. thank you.

well...i must go now. i think you have learned enough about my life for today. wishing you all the grandest week ahead. smiles.