an excerpt...

"...drama over, right? wrong. it was only just the beginning. in that first year i would often stand over her crib and watch  her while she slept. i would talk to God and plead with Him to spare her from some of the painful mistakes i had made during my growing up years. would she love me? would she even like me? would we become lifelong friends? would she come to love the God i serve? sure, i had many of the same questions with the birth of my son, kaden, but somehow, this was different. it would be matt's responsibility to model to kaden, what it means to be a godly man. it would be my responsilibity to model to first kaycee, then campbell, then calli, and now this little princess about to enter the world, what it means to be a godly woman. could i do it? was i up for the task?..."

                                                 ~taken from: your girl.  by vicki courtney

                                        (of course i put our names in the underlined portions.)

wow. right? i am reading, again, like 5 books at a time, i don't know why i do that? is it the have to be doing a million things at one time, time management issue, or what? i don't know, but anyway, this one is great. i also have her book called your boy...about sons, but i thought since i am going to have 4 daughters i should get my butt in gear, so i pulled it off the shelf. :) my dusty shelf.

i have been thinking a lot lately about meeting our newest daughter. i cannot wait to see her face. to hold and snuggle her. to hear her cry. to see if i can soothe her like only a mommy can. to pray over her life at all of our thru the night nursing sessions. i have also been thinking about what a high calling motherhood really is. a blessing, and all that i pour into my children. daily.

my husband and i had a conversation last night, and he commented that i have the most lavish lifestyle out of anyone we know. hmmm. i still think he has his terms mixed up...for when i think of "lavish" i don't think of me. i think of someone who dresses expensively (not from yard sales for instance), who shops at expensive bo-tiques and furniture stores (Goodwill, would not qualify), someone who has a house keeper, a gardner, and gets pedicures and manicures on a regular basis (i have had 2 in my life, people...2). i think of a woman who would not do laundry ~everyday~, and maybe not at all. i think of a woman who does not spend time with her children, reading and writing, and playing and cooking, but a woman who has a nanny hired to do those things. someone who drinks wine with dinner.  some woman who drives an expensive car (not a mini van that is filthy and needs a new transmission ~and~ new brakes), or maybe even has a driver, who lives in a big mansion, a new mansion at that, that has central air, and doors that don't creak, or pop open in the wind, and rain that doesn't come in thru the cracks during heavy storms.

i couldn't get a real good grasp of what he was meaning. after ~some~ discussion, i think he meant that i am lucky, because i don't have anyone to really answer too. i can kind of call the shots, and do as i please. and then i get to go on vacation, and ride motorcyle, and have 5 babies for him. ( i added that last one in there.)  :) and the clincher would be that i don't have to work. i always get the impression that i don't really "do" anything around here.

call me offended. yep. i have a great life. that i do. but lavish. nope. sorry honey. i just don't. :) we will discuss this more, i can assure you. :)

people are starting to ask me if i am nervous for having my 5th child. i can honestly say i am not. i really feel like "i got this". i feel like my children are at great ages for another child to join us. it shouldn't be like having 4 kids in 5 1/2 years...my children are old enough to really listen, and help, barring any issues i have yet to experience: a colicky baby, severe allergies, or an unhealthy infant who needs lots of care and attention...i for now feel: excited, and at peace to have her here. living outside of me...trying to treasure each day now, as this will surely be the last addition i get to carry inside. what a miracle, to feel your baby moving inside. to watch your body grow and stretch beyond your wildest imagination. don't get me wrong...i am sure i will be in tears more than once these first few weeks, and will raise my voice when i shouldn't, and sink into a tired heap in a chair, exhausted, and not deal with discipline issues when they should be dealt with, but all in all, i feel like i am so lucky to be able to be a mommy 5 times over.  i hope i never lose that perspective...even in the chaotic, hard, unbearable times the years will bring. then i will laugh at my earlier words...

"i got this."

sure ya do. :)

which brings me to more words to agree with:

"there is nothing quite like being a mother. the hours can be long and exhausting, but the payoff is immense. wide is the gamut of emotions in motherhood. one minute you can be lauding the virtues of motherhood, and the next minute you're screaming "calgon, take me away...or better yet, take them away."    

ha.ha. don't ya love it? so, so true.

okay. enough for now. gotta get some girlies down for naps. and then we are off for a night out with my siblings and parents to celebrate my cool dad's birthday...should be a riot. it usually is. :) happy day.   ~mk.

p.s. i am sitting here at the desk. i am taping a ripped book for kaden, and insisted that campbell clean up all the toys she got out, and she just finished. and came in here and said sulking, "mommy, you are treating me like a maid."
hey...maybe i do live a lavish life after all. ;)