a heavy heart.

i struggle to find the words to write after such a heart wrenching tragedy in Connecticut.

i just cannot shake it from my mind.

my heart breaks for those families who lost someone so tragically that day.

the tears keep falling from my eyes.

i do not have any words.

except.

that i am so so sorry.

i keep thinking of my own precious 5 miracles.
(and yes, we had 5 on purpose...some think we lacked some judgement or acted in error.
we did not. each of our children were planned and very much wanted.)

how blessed and lucky i am.

amidst fighting and chaos saturday morning, i kept repeating to myself,

"you are so blessed. you are so lucky."

 i was actually grateful to be able to hear squabbles that day.

i picked up a jacket that was left on the floor, without asking someone to come do it themselves.

i held laundry a little bit longer as i folded it against my heart.

i looked at their faces more intently. and lingered in their rooms a little longer that night.

i selfishly pray i will never have to bear the heartbreak of losing a child.

oh to find air to breathe.

i cannot imagine.

so i continue to whisper prayers. for the people of Sandy Hook.

for all of us. who are not promised tomorrow.

to savor and enjoy what we have today.

even if it includes some Christmas stress with too much to do in too little time,

and whining ungrateful children.

(not mine of course!)  :)

here's to playing peek-a-boo at lunchtime and ending with a thumbs up to lunch.

p.s. you will notice karolina's bandage.
she burnt her hand on the woodstove last night.
all. my. fault. but i won't bore you with the story...
a bit traumatic, but she is much more herself today.
her hand doesn't look so good. but we are praying for healing without infection.
please join us?