divorce is hard.

nothing new there.
right?

divorce is hard.
it's ugly. and hard. and tears families apart.
it makes things weird and akward.
and makes life way more complicated then it should have to be.

i think it's fair to say that i hate it.
i hate divorce.

i am not a child of divorce.
i have only ever been a niece of divorce.
a cousin of divorce.

but i experienced something last night that was HARD.

i went to the Memorial Service of my aunt.
my x-aunt?
no...that doesn't sound acceptable.
let's just keep it at my aunt.

my aunt Donna, who i haven't seen since i was 14 years old,
was killed tragically in a car accident on September 12th.
in California.
where she lived, with her husband, and family.
2 days before her 56th birthday.

it's so interesting when you get news like that.
someone i haven't seen for so long, yet memories flooded my mind instantly.
so...to Donna...some things i may have never told you...

she had always been one of my favorite aunts.
she had been married to my uncle Galen, my dad's youngest brother.
well. until i was 14. or I was 14 the last time i saw her "as my aunt".
they had always lived in California, so we didn't see them all that much.
but when we did, boy, was life a party!

and that's what i remember.
life was a party with them!
i hope i will always remember her laugh. it was great.
and full. and deep. and contagious.
she made us feel like gold. we were special.
she hugged us, and tickled us.
she got in the pool with us to swim.
she may have even played marco polo with us.
she played football with us in the yard.
she bought us things. Galen, might have contributed to the gift buying too? :)
two specific things i remember getting from them: a) a white "I love L.A. t-shirt."
                                                                                  b) a fancy antique purse.
my sister and cousin, Shelly, would put on "shows" for them when they came in for visits.
the one i most recall, was "Johnny and his bushy hair."
i can still recall the first couple lines of our made up jingle.
and how Galen would whistle, and they would scream and cheer for us,
when we were done. again, made us feel so awesome.

i always admired her long, brown, curly hair.
mine is straight. :/

i am so glad i went last night.
i know her parents, and siblings.
and her sister came up to us, and we hugged and cried.
and that was hard.
she has a lot of the same mannerisms as my aunt, and sounds like
her when she talks. :/
also talked briefly with one of her brothers, which also helped me remember all i loved
about Donna.
her sense of humor was outstanding.

i kept in touch for a little bit over the years, which eventually faded into nothing.
that's where it gets hard.
she got married again, and fell in love with a new family.
(exit us)
my uncle got married again, to Deborah, who I have also come to love.
(insert her new to us family)
and now we visit and share life with them.
which is great and fabulous, but...

there were never any real goodbyes.
just an exit. a fading away.
and that's okay, it is just one of the hard things in life.
the last memory i have of them together was at my brother's high school graduation.
that was in 1992.

thanks for reading.
pray for her family.
they are so sad.
and i am tearing up again as i type.

life is hard.
there are not always answers to life's hard things, is there?

xo.