slowly letting go...

well. my grandma is still holding on.

slowly letting go.

hospice continues to say, " a day or two more."

so we will see.

my mom and her siblings and/or spouses have been by her side since Friday.
someone from her family has been with her...

what a picture of love.

is it not?

exhausting and beautiful.

all at the same time.

lots of tears. happy tears and sad tears.

my phone is not letting me load my pictures again.

i got this fun picture of me and karolina holding my grandma's hand today.

i think my dad wrote, "a generation of blessing...saying goodbye."
precious.

i was talking to my grandma today and she opened her eyes.

i know she heard me.

i know she knew my voice.

something i cannot explain.

i was talking about all the flowers blooming at my house.
she loved flowers.
she was getting restless, and i told her she should really open her eyes...
i brought matt king today and the kids, and i named them.
it looked like she was trying to smile
and she opened her eyes for just a brief couple seconds for me to see
into them another time...

i told her i made something out of her cookbook this week.

and that i loved looking at all her favorite recipes.

and her writing in the cookbook. (it used to be hers)

she looked over at me, and raised her eyebrows soooo high.

i think she wanted to open her eyes.

she did that 3 or 4 times with me while i was talking to her.

LOVE it. so special.

so i cried some more and said goodbye again.

i hate goodbyes.

my mom gave me a copy of a letter found in grandma's jewelry box years ago.
it talked about how she tried to be a good mom,and she failed much.
doesn't that sound familiar?
 what we all try to be?
and how much she loved my grandfather...
it was precious to read.
made me cry some more. :)

this is a song she would love at her funeral...
sung by none other than johnny cash. eeekkkkkk. :)