more of a mommy letting go.

i have said this before,
and i will say it again...
one of my jobs as a mother, is not to hold so tightly onto my children,
but to let go.

i had to do that again this week.

i had a new experience.

i took calli, who will turn 3 next month,
 for a speech evalution,
 at the chester county intermediate unit.


the instructions for campbell and i, 
were to sit there and be quiet, to not help calli answer any questions. 
i think it was harder for campbell, but it was hard for me too...
not to "re-phrase" some questions,
to help her understand what they were asking her to do.

i realized this is what i have been doing.
i re-phrase things, or ask questions to her in different ways,
so she understands me.
i ask her to show me things, or point to things, if i cannot
understand her speech.
these things all being helpful for me, but not for her learning to speak.
these are all things i have done with my 3 prior children...
but i need to do things a little differently for calli.


it was a sad time of reflection for me to sit there and watch.
while calli is very advanced, on the 3 year old spectrum, in a lot of areas,
she is a little bit behind in her speech.
and it was so hard to see her "thinking"
trying to put together what this woman was asking her to do.
she really did great...
but did start to cry at the end, with 3 words to go.

my little heart broke.
my baby.
stressed out and overwhelmed. at 3.
ugh.

i learned she does not put "ing" on the ends of words.
and that she does not use plurals. at all.
these are things i could not tell you,
i just knew she was not speaking clearly.
was i too busy to notice?
i question...


it was hard because i sat there and thought about my time with her.
and realized again, that i can not do it all.
i cannot "be" it "all".
how can i?

i guess i did not read as much to calli, as i have to my other kids.
i do not sit down with her, and go over pictures in a book.
i have not specifically paid attention to her speech, until now,
and she's already behind.
and i question again...what am i busy with?
how can i make sure my children get what they need from me?
i am going to try to be more intentional
with helping her in this area,
(just as i was more intentional
with helping kaden learn to read last year...)

all this to say,
she will be getting speech therapy at the elementary school,
twice a week, come november.
so...i pray for her. and i pray for me. :)
that it wouldn't be overwhelming for her.
that she can still be a kid.
and play. and have fun.
and learn to talk more clearly. :)

thanks for hearing me get this out.
it's all a little overwhelming for me too. :)
now...to move onto this mess of a house.
i am a bit behind, on all in my life.
how does that happen so quickly?

:)


p.s. these songs are appropriate for my life right now...
but were chosen specifically for their "rain" theme...
how about this rain?

Comments

wow. i would have never even thought about it. i was just thinking about the whole idea of letting go this week too. that the whole point is that they would eventually be totally apart from me. totally hard not to put pressure on myself too that they get everything need. you are doing a great job with your children missy!
have a great rainy day!
love, heather
jodi said…
You will be amazed at the progress she will make. You ARE doing the right thing! :)
Anonymous said…
Hi Missy,
I love your choice of music. Did you know I was singing these words "Lift me up when I am falling... Need you to hold me to keep me from drowning." a couple weeks ago? Overwelmed with my multiple tasks and feeling empty and tired. Draw close to the Lord and He will draw close to you. Don't doubt yourself because you are an amazing mother. Don't think about the should of dones but instead become focussed on what you can do now - and I think you have realized that. Fill yourself with God's word and know that I will be praying for you, Calli, and your family.
P.S. Watch the movie, The King's Speech and see how a King overcame his stutter. Nothing is impossible for God- isn't that a wonderful thought!?
Love,
Emiley
Shelby said…
Hey girl several of my kids have had speech therapy and the IU really has some amazing workers. Alot of times the articulation(clarity) clears up on its own just with age, but doesn't hurt to help with the speech therapy. One of my kids still has a little clarity issue with certain sounds, but hopefully it will clear up. If not than that is the way God made her:)

Shelby
Ang Stoltzfus said…
i'm joining you mis! (with jyla) scott has been dragging his feet on it cause he thinks all is fine ;) but we are starting to get other professional opinions telling us to start J with IU & speach therapy.

you are a FABULOUS mother!!!! i'm sure that she will feel your love & support in this area.

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